On July 30, Relevant published marriage counselor Debra Fileta’s “5 Things I Wish I’d Known About Dating.” Fileta unpacks 5 dating myths, including:
Her treatment of one myth was particularly insightful:
Entering into a dating relationship will “ruin” your friendship
This phrase is used to often in the dating world, but now that I’m married, I don’t even really know what that means.
You’re supposed to marry your best friend. Someone you connect with deeply on an emotional, spiritual, social and physical level. A friend who you can laugh with, talk to until 4 a.m., and cry with, but also have the freedom to do absolutely nothing with. So, if you have that with someone of the opposite sex, maybe the friendship is the first step of something bigger. That’s the best case scenario.
Worst case scenario, a friendship doesn’t ever blossom into the stage of romantic feelings, and yes, the friendship changes. In my opinion, that’s still a good thing.
Let me explain. When I got married, the friendships I had with the opposite sex changed drastically, anyway. When my husband became my priority, I had to guard my marriage by setting up boundaries with guy friends and distancing myself to an appropriate extent. My guy friends were no longer carrying the role they used to carry, because they were not my husband. He was the only man that was able to carry that special role in my life. So like it or not, your friendships with the opposite sex will always change—either now or later when you meet your spouse. The deep friendship you have with your spouse should never be shared with someone else. If your friendship changes now, then it’s less you have to deal with later.
Visit Relevant’s website to read all of Fileta’s tips.
What dating myths have you unraveled over the years?
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