By Candice Gage
You know that perplexing moment when you realize your match wrote to you without reading your profile? So many questions buzz through your mind.
Why has he contacted me if he doesn’t care about finding out what I have to say?
If he doesn’t have time to read through my profile, does he really have time for a relationship?
If it wasn’t worth the effort to read my profile, why is it worth the effort to correspond? Is he even reading my messages?
Something tells me this guy is a bad listener.
The whole situation is confusing.
Don’t be that guy. Take time to read through your match’s profile before you contact her. Here are a few tips:
Read thoroughly. Don’t skim. If you see anything that interests you or causes you pause, make a note. This makes for great discussion starters later on.
Take it seriously... If she says she’s called to overseas missions, then assume she really is called to overseas missions. If she says she doesn’t want to relocate, assume she really doesn’t want to relocate. If there are numerous areas of difference, don’t contact her thinking she’ll change her mind. Assume that she knows enough about herself to present a fairly accurate accounting of who she is.
…but not too seriously. This may sound like a contradiction, but it’s not. While you should take what people say seriously, realize there are many issues that people are willing to compromise on. She might love the city, but that doesn’t mean she’s totally opposed to living in the country. She might go to a Baptist college, but that doesn’t mean she’s firm in her denominational loyalties. Don’t assume she’ll change her mind, but feel free to ask her some questions about possible differences you have. Most people are willing to make some compromises.
Remember your purpose. The whole point of dating is to discover information about a person. With online dating, most of this information initially comes from written communication. If you aren’t interested in doing a little reading during the process, perhaps you should ask yourself what you are trying to accomplish by participating in online dating.
And ladies — this article is directed at men because they do most of the initiating on Marry Well. However, if you decide to contact someone, these tips apply to you as well.
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