Are You Empathetic?

Yahoo’s Shine recently published a column titled “Empathy: The Secret Sauce to a Happy Marriage” by therapist Julie Hanks. Check out this excerpt:

If your relationship is distressed or if you simply want to make a good relationship better, here are some ways to work on your empathy skills.

Listen for emotional messages. The emotional message isn’t the same as the words that your partner is saying. Your partner may be criticizing you for not spending enough time together, but the emotional message may actually be, “I miss you and I’m afraid I’m not important to you.”

Push the pause button on your own emotions. When your partner is expressing something critical, it’s easy to respond defensively. Before reacting, take a deep breath and try to slow down your own emotional response so you can hear the emotion behind the criticism.

Reflect back your partner’s emotional plea. Instead of coming back defensively with, “What are you talking about? We just went on a walk yesterday, and we went to dinner last weekend!” respond to your partner’s emotional plea by saying something like, “You really miss me and want to spend more time together. Thanks for letting me know. I love you.”

Even if you read the emotional message inaccurately, your effort to understand your partner’s emotions will pay off!

How important do you think empathy is in a relationship? How well do you empathize with others?

1. PolarBearEverywhere said the following on July 11, 2012 at 11:33 am

   

   Empathy gets me into some pretty awkward places, I have for most of my life mused in question “Why do I care so much”
   Often People ask me the same Question, which is easier to deal with than me asking the question.
   I don’t know why I have empathy outside of the obvious vernacular answers to the question; I don’t really wrestle with being so, except in the aspect of where I long to give my empathy in a deeper level, in place that is growing and founded rightly before the Lord, and not in general settings of Human Benevolency.
   I think I would do well to read the whole article.
2. man said the following on July 12, 2012 at 8:45 pm

   

   This is a very good article.