Photo Editing and Online Dating
Earlier this week, The Wall Street Journal‘s Quentin Fottrell tackled the questions: “Does it Pay to Airbrush Your Profile Photo?” Here is an excerpt:
Generation Facebook may never grow old. New apps are making age-defying photo airbrushing techniques once reserved for celebrity magazine covers available instantly and inexpensively to just about anyone.
Airbrushing computer software such as the $40 Portrait Professional and Magic Brush-Photo can create perfect, youthful complexions. Other Smartphone apps like Pimple Eraser — which has had two million downloads since its release last year — and The Airbrush App are less complex, but cost just 99 cents to download. “Everyone is able to use the same marketing techniques that the big ad agencies used for decades to sell products,” says Vicky Oliver, author of The Millionaire’s Handbook . “Only in this case they are selling themselves.”
The temptation to use photo editing to spruce up online dating profile photos is strong.
Dating sites pose other issues. A flattering photo on eHarmony or OkCupid might result in a few extra dinner engagements, Oliver says, but your date will likely end up feeling deceived (One 2009 study, “Putting Your Best Face Forward: The Accuracy of Online Dating Photographs,” by researchers at Cornell University, found that one-third of photographs on dating websites were inaccurate .) Her advice to the lovelorn and professionally restless: “If you are pleasantly plump, don’t airbrush yourself so much that you look like Twiggy.”
What do you think? Is any profile photo editing OK? Where is the line between reality and fiction?
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I say it’s fair game. You don’t even have to use the fancy stuff. Instagram is free and can make you look more photogenic.
However, that being said, it’s important to realize that what a person looks like in a photo may not reflect reality with them online.
Also, I draw the line when you are intentionally trying to be misleading about something obvious. Agreeing with Vicky that if you are “plus size” don’t photoshop yourself as a size 6. Or if you only have 13 inch biceps, don’t inflate them to 18 inches.
At some point you will, hopefully, meet them in person. I am who I am! Okay, fix the red eyes, but why mess with anything else?
Well I’m pretty ugly so it’s definitely something I’d consider. What do I have to lose, right?
I think you should put your best foot forward but don’t be dishonest. Who wants to start a potential relationship out with dishonestly?
Well…it hasn’t worked for me yet…
Just joking- I’ve never tried that yet.
Online can sometimes be so tough as you don’t always get to see the inner beauty that others who interact with you see.
Sometimes a great looking picture aids to help. I personally figure it is great to care for your self in a way that isn’t distracting, but also appearing in a way that honors the Lord.
Making yourself to look different than who you are…kind of defeats the purpose of letting God shine through you.
True beauty is obedience to God and His work being evident in your life.
In my opinion seeing a man who is letting God shine through him…so much more appealing than an airbrushed photo.
What do you have to lose? Integrity. I believe it’s fundamentally dishonest. It’s not putting your best foot forward — do that by choosing photos that are not deceptive but that you think are flattering. Nothing wrong with that. I think editing crosses the line.
My take on this is that if it’s something where you have a picture you like overall, but say you had an unusually bad zit that day, or your hair was a little messed up in one spot, or you had a bad bruise from walking into the doorframe by accident (hey, it happens lol), those sorts of minor things it’s not a big deal to correct, because they aren’t permanent features. You could just as easily have taken the photo on a day when your skin was clearer or your makeup was better or you had done a better job fixing your hair. But I think that’s different than altering major/permanent features, like changing ones body shape or face shape, which does seem a bit on the deceptive side. That said, I don’t think you need to go taking a photo in the harshest light from your worst possible angle.
As a side note related to lighting and angles… When perusing someone elses photos, I think it’s important to be aware that even without photo retouching, angles and lighting and distance from the camera alone can drastically change appearance in a photograph, so one should not be shocked if upon meeting someone after seeing only two photos it comes as rather a surprise what they actually look like. They may not have been trying to decieve you with their photos, but if you feel like someone’s photo set is very lacking in giving a reasonable idea of their actual appearance (you know, all close-up head shots from the same angle, or all “artsy” photos but no natural ones, or just one photo from too far back, something like that) I think it’s entirely acceptable to find a polite way to request some more photos early on in the correspondence. After all, when you meet someone in person, you can’t always be facing your date from your “good side” only, or from 20 feet away, etc.,… that would get awkward
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I have never considered photo editing – and I think it may not be a wise thing to do. Considering you will eventually meet that person face to face and there will be nothing to hide. Better look for photographs where you looked your best and post these. And just as skatie said – look for a polite way of asking for more photos of your friend if all he/she has posted is one photo. Definitely look for photos that are as attractive as possible.
For me, the question is simple: if you have no compulsion wearing foundation, eyeliner, blush, mascara, concealer, eyeshadow, or lipstick; if you seek to take pictures in good light, or on your “good” side; if you get your hair done before taking said picture(s), then you can digitally enhance a photo. I think we need to keep some things in mind.
Photo enhancement isn’t only for major reconstruction. If you happen to take a photo in a cave, a good program can lighten that image. It’d be no different than waiting to take photos in the noonday, in a park. Or, if you have a great image, but you are blonde now, why not lighten your hair, since that is what s/he’ll see?
It’s sometimes less a matter of photo enhancement, and more a restoration. Why do I say that? A camera is not the eye, and if it is, it’s a slightly handicapped one. It reproduces what it “sees”, but it doesn’t see nearly as well as our eyes do. And some cameras are better than others. And while digital cameras are ubiquitous these days, they tend to flatten an image, as well as take pretty dark pictures – definitely not as vibrant as the photographs of old, and we didn’t call those images fake. So sometimes you use the programs to re-introduce what was lost, that you would see if you met in person, or if you were there when the picture was taken. I frankly don’t see much of a difference between Quentin in the 2 pics, other than the fact that he looks a little less pasty.
Images are always fiction, or at most, a tiny fragment of the full story. I am not quite sure where we get the idea that images are real. They are one shot, in one place, at one angle, in one very brief moment in time. It’s not a photo documentary, lol. Haven’t we seen people who are very photogenic, who are not so attractive, or great looking people who never seem to take good photos? Also, cameras (be it still or motion) add weight, which is why we want our celebrities to be so thin. So if you walk the border, then an image could make you appear “pleasantly plump” (to use the verbiage of the article), when you’re really just average. And I can think of one friend in particular who’s quite the morph, she’s looked different in various images. I knew what I saw in her, and could find it in most images, but had she been a stranger, I would have no idea which her was the “real” her. And no, I don’t think we should submit dozens and dozens of photos, as if we were cadavers, trying to solve a crime.
How about, like what others said above, understanding that many people will look a little different in the naked eye, accompanied, of course, by the rest of their being, because it takes some serendipity, skill, or a good eye to capture both looks and personality in an image (many profile pics do tend to resemble glorified mug shots – what do they say? I’ve read comments from female daters who don’t even acknowledge the photos, because on average they were bad photos, and didn’t reflect what the men looked like in person).
I actually wish, instead, we could go the other way. Understand it’s a fiction of sort, and treat the images like art. Then we would not only be learning specific traits, but the person’s particular POV. Then people could go all out, and we’d understand it as such – I’m imagining with the proliferation of this technology people’ll do that anyway.
Without demand, there’d be no supply. Many programs have multiple cool purposes, but I’m thinking some others would not be necessary if humans didn’t hold such a desire for good looks.
So for me, why not? If we wanted to be real, we could, and snap a picture of ourselves the moment we wake up in the morning. I mean, eventually, if we get married, we’ll see each other like that, so why not?
If not, if we need to put our “best” foot forward, any demarcations seem arbitrary, until we get to serious exaggerations like marking blue eyes instead of green (unless, hey, you wear contacts – what would we say to that?).
Oh yeah, for me the biggest gripe is the generic nature of some of these images. With more control, your individuality can better shine through. For instance, I wouldn’t have washed out Quentin’s photo. There is a moodiness, for lack of a better word, that seemed to disappear when they did that. I would have played it up more, and highlighted his eyes (without the lightening – kept them dark).
This does seem to be thorny – I’ll have to do some more thinking on internet dating in general; it’s pluses seem to be seriously overshadowed by these other issues.
Are you serious?? Are we so vain or insecure?
my general thought on this is that any adjustment that applies across the whole picture (like gamma/contrast/saturation/hue, etc is fine, but anything that only applies to specific parts of the picture is sketchy…
A picture doesn’t have movement so we can focus on imperfections longer. If it isn’t a part of what you actually look like(red eye, a zit, or bad lighting) then go ahead remove it if you want. That being said I only have photos that change the whole color of the film.
I think what is dishonest is only putting up pictures that are quite a few years old without any qualifiers.
Hmmm LOL Aghhhem I mean LMBO
Okay Honesty is Honesty is honesty
Honestly?! It is like Cheating, the BLemish things and Spot Treatments sure nothing wrong with that in my eyes. But I am a Photographer, and I have the Best of the Best in Software, and I do know how far one can go… in fact there is NO Limit :/
EVERY Magazine on the Planet, and I mean EVERY Magazine Air Brushes and Photoshops EVERY Image to a Perfection Line that is Robbery and and Defrauding Reality. I think that if there are severe self esteem issues in this department than Marriage is something premature of moving towards until these issues be dealt with.
I look like an Ape of sorts and while I am able to Drastically Photoshop my Portrait I won’t, I have a rule (Probably why I don’t sell my images on Ghetty’s web site because I am not willing to go past what is the Limiting Natures of the Darkroom with my Digital Photos. What business do I have slapping myself together with what “I think” I should look like, it is a recipe for disaster and heart ache.
In Addition I think that there is room for joking around and having fun, so having said that I guess it’s okay, but Reality is what Truth is Based on, and Live is serious stuff, I am here in life to make Life Investments, nothing superficial nothing held back. But having Fun is fine just say so, and be up front about it.
If I shave and had run out of Skin Lotion Uh Oh, but that would break my Camera so that Shot just would not exist LOL. Waking up first thing in the Morning Hmm Perhaps I should Post a Picture of such, my Hair all this way and that, or howabout just getting home from a four day trip in the mountains… now there is an unruly self portrait LOL. Just getting home from my Twelve hour Night Shift Driving a Taxi around this shady city (ojO)
If you have a Digital Camera and want to Take a Good Clear and Sharp Image set it to Manual Settings and Play around with the Shutter speed and the Aperture settings. Sit your Camera on a Solid Foundation if you don’t have a Tripod. In Low Light Set your Aperture to F-3.5 or less, if you have the option to Manually Focus your Lens do so and Lock your Focus once you have determined EXACTLY how far away from the Lens you will be, set your Shutter Speed at different speeds starting at 1/10 of a second and experiment until you find the Perfect Exposure. The Slower Shutter Speed will Render a Sharper Image, and produce more Depth.
Play around with Different Angles, Use of Flash is Good but if your F stop is too low you will Over Expose so with Flash Try F-8 – F-13 indoors at ten feet with Low Light Such as Candle Light or a Distant Light Bulb and 1/30 of a Second Shutter Speed.
Any Questions I will be glad to answer. Have fun with it, and SMiLE
opps the end should have said 1/3 of a Second Shutter SPeed.
Certainly you can put your best foot forward in understanding what communicates who you are best even if in an online setting. That could be as simple as understanding that guys like photos of women who look straight into the camera, but men who do the same don’t get the same reaction from women. Men prefer long hair and to see the face, or a full length shot on your profile. Look friendly and approachable. Women like shots that show what a guy likes/does.
While you may get more “hits” there is a strong correlation between those who have conveyed honestly who they are and the first in person meeting. The closer you are to the image the other thought of you, the stronger the potential to connect.
God gave me a career as senior editor, photo editor and photojournalist at major news publications, magazines and online institutions… He started me way early in life and I (mostly) retired from journalism late last year.
From my point of view your photos must show who you are with truthfulness and accuracy. For example, do your photos only show your “best side” or do they reflect who you are day in and day out? Is the message your photos convey as accurate as your written profile?
I recently changed many of my photos because I lost about 30 pounds…
I’m not a photographer…I just play one on tv.
In most seriousness, I’ve worked for a spell in the industry, and I’d say that while I can imagine almost no image being used untouched (there are still cropping issues and such), the extent to which something is touched is relative to the culture of the periodical, as well as the subject matter; so a celeb? Expect much alteration. But your average joe/jill schmo being highlighted can receive noticeably less retouching.
But as I reread the thread, and thought about the subject further, several things occurred to me, which I can loosely sum up in two points:
• what is the purpose of an dating image? Imagine if we took all the advice: “Make sure the image is the most up to date, but make sure you look your best, and be sure it conveys your personality, oh, but at the same time keep in mind what is appealing to the opposite gender…”
And that doesn’t even touch all the technical aspects of taking a photo. Just reading P.B.E.’s comments exhausted me, and I like this stuff (thanks for the tips P.B.E!
). That seems like a lot to put on the shoulders of an image, and we may neither have the time, nor energy, nor genuine desire to take dozens of photos until we find the perfect balance of personality & looks.
So if the goal is personality, why not use an older photo, or even a much older photo (or eschew photos and use icons of your favorite things)? We could just as easily assume nothing, and ask if the picture is up to date, or recent. Or, is the image supposed to show what we look like right this second? But not just what we look like, but how attractive we are, because structurally, some people just don’t change but all that much. Basically it seems more akin to a “prove to me you’re not ugly” photo. Just like we know a profile can’t give you everything, neither should it be required of some images.
• when is the right time? For me, this is the bigger issue. Maybe for the most intrepid, or most extraverted, this is not. But to expect a very detailed profile, highlighting so much of your interior, then expecting a dossier of photos delineating your exterior, and all on either a profile, or very quickly into communications seems like far too much info to share at once, especially to someone who you may not be talking to in 6 months. We don’t do this in real life. We meet, and if agreeable, begin the slow dance towards revealing ourselves in bits and pieces, until we do grow close, and reveal more, or remain casual only, or part ways.
But on the internet the process is reversed, or at least it used to be. You shared more interior things: your thoughts, your feelings, the crazy stunt you did in 8th grade that landed you in jail for a night, that you would only share with your family or very closest friends; but on the internet, you felt a little freer. It seems relationship building works best with one, or the other, leading. And I would think given that this is so hard to do in the world, that people in the cyber world would pick mind knowing first, then physical knowing (no, not that physical knowing.
). But I am beginning to think that that is what more people want, just a replication of what we do off cyberspace. And it makes me wonder- did our desires change? Or, is it the people who now frequent the internet the difference?
Thanks again.
Wow Syntyche you have hit on a very indepth topic (Sorry I see a carrot I am off on a Rabbit trail with this)
When I first began Communicating with people online it was 1997, I was Mesmerized by the Idea that I can “Share my Inner thoughts” I was Half retarded and more than half baked.
I had joined a very VAST world what back then was Known as “Internet 3″ or “The Back Bone” It was the beginning of the Dot Com Wars, and I was Oblivious to the reality taking place. However I was just a Long Haired Hippy Jesus Freak with his Brain Juiced in the Blender called Internet. There was Little to see except Strings of Code coursing through the Main GUI, the Browser was called was not even Internet Explorer though Internet Explorer V 0.1 was available. I kept hearing this “Ring Ring Gong” Sound, and then a window popped up and someone was typing to me, they explained that I needed to look my mailbox… I FREAKED OUT ran up stairs and looked in my mail box ( No Kidding ) I was afraid to open the door and peeked through every vantage that would prepare me for someone being outside, and then opened the door to quickly grab the mail that was in the mail box, the mail box was empty which actually was more relieving than I could express. I ran back down to my room and watched these messages spool in the window that popped up all by itself…. Anyways The Ice was broken and I began to think on my keyboard at about 10 words per minute (if spelling was an issue then tone the number to four words a minute LOL )
My Phone Rang at three am in the morning and it was a Lady in Geogia, she worked for a firm that required large amounts of Data to be Transmitted through BBS, she hacked my PC, set up a remote Login and helped to learn about using my Computer (Until I toasted it five months Later)
Back then I had never expressed my inner thoughts to ANYONE EVER never had a real truly honest conversation in my life not even with my mom, I was a rock of silence and lost for expressing myself. There was much going on back then as the WWW consortium was still being formed and most of the people I met were at work building the mainframe of the Internet Programming and Beta Testing Live fires of processes which today few have any idea takes place to keep the internet stable and accessible.
I been ultra blessed by the internet but in 2000 I gave it up because I just felt I could not justify sharing my inner thoughts with people I would never meet, further more I Longed for something more real and permanent. Something that grows and becomes stronger and lacks all that seems as merely fleeting online.
In the Physical world I can share quite openly but upon the connection point I stop short of permitting certain portions of my life which brings me to a place of silence for not wanting to venture a awkward string to allow for a tangle in misconception, where online I can bare all and whether any one asks for clarification or desire to venture a fuller picture I can shrug my shoulders and feel nothing.
While this thread is about Pictures being Altered for reasons at-variant I think this topic hits a serious discussion of truth and purpose… Syntyche has brought some very interesting points up to result in good cause, at least for me… Profound, and I am certain poised in wonderful thought and reflection EVEN with some tremendous intimidation. Coming back the Photo topic, I HATE ahving my picture taken, my mother laments for not having 30 years of Photos, and recently put together a Treasure Chest ( Serious it is a Chest of Photos) of my childhood, it is both Beyond sweet but upon another perspective it is ultra painful and I have Never Looked through it.
I grew up with a serious destructed view of my self image, and thereby I was led into a dark path of deep voiding of myself. I have only a small handful of Self Portraits online, the One I have here is from 2009 and it is the Simplest and most honest Photo I have that is recent.
I have been musing about Posting many of the other Self Portraits I have but I had wondered about what people would perceive by them, and I feel that perhaps I would leave off from doing so altogether because online I feel that the majority of people seem ambiguous, they come they see and carry on without a thought to share.
I like Depth the Deeper the better, I like to know that I am not the only failing human being on earth, and seeing others share their humanness is beyond healing for me. Facebook is one of those places I have Worn my Heart on my sleeve and Expressed a vast and defined expression of what I have been through in life, what the Lord has done and where I come. In January I hit a huge and massive Low as I began to discover how ambiguous people are, in fact ambiguous is the general I would go as far to say that people generally are down right apathetic and rather quilt briers and thorns into a blanket to return and wrap you up in with no intention of offering warmth and comfort, or relation in thought, reflection, conviction, or discover in any way. ;( January this year I deleted many hundreds of people, and then in April I reduced my Facebook to 42 and only about a Dozen I had met before and seven of them I truly have know for fifteen years, and these are apart from 8 who are family. This world is a wicked painful place, But God be praised forever more For His Grace is Sufficient for each day. I seem to find it Ironic Where our Image can be hidden our Inner Most Honesty can be free, but where Our Image is presented in true living life we are Tremendously Intimidated by our Fears, Failures, Reservations, Pessimism’s and what have you furthermore.
Thanks Syntche for your thoughts here, I have been blessed to ponder upon the things that have arisen by them