Upping Your Game on Marry Well

by Motte Brown

One of the things we like to do on Marry Well is observe the community. So in addition to reading and responding to your emails, we click through profiles, check out the wall comments, read updates and generally just see what’s going on. We do it to get a feel for the site.

And we do it to see where the gaps are, to see if there are ways to help our members make the most of Marry Well.

Here are a few things we’ve noticed so far that may help you up your game on Marry Well:

Post a picture, any picture. We saw one photo early on of some guy’s motorcycle engine. Don’t knock it. That photo said more about him than the Marry Well avatar ever could.

Well, maybe not “any picture.” Ask a friend to look over the pictures you post. Let them decide which one should be your profile thumbnail and which one you need to drop all together. Trust us, you’ll be glad you did.

Complete your profile. C’mon, this isn’t LinkedIn. You actually have to put some effort into it if you want someone to say, “Hey, I like what you wrote in your profile.” Thoughtful comments and ideas go a long way in helping people feel a connection to you.

Make sure your email address is active. Most of the return emails we receive are from Yahoo accounts. It’s because they deactivate emails after six months of inactivity. If you have an inactive email, all of your notifications are returned to the general Marry Well email box. (Note: To change your email, send it to info@marrywell.org along with your account information)

Engage the community. Don’t be shy, we’re all friends here. Participating in The Lodge, posting status updates and writing on walls is a great way to keep your profile visible to other members. We’re starting to see members helping members connect with one another so don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation with someone of the same sex. Nobody’s going to think you’re weird. It’s what community is all about.

Change your profile thumbnail frequently. No matter how good looking you think you are in that green shirt, people will get tired of seeing it. Posting a variety of pictures of yourself, which show up on search results, give people a different perspective of you. And different perspectives are very helpful when trying catch someone’s eye.

Welcome all newcomers. OK, so I know this is our job. But some of you actually do quite well with this. We need more of the Marry Well’ers to make the newbies feel at home. Just being neighborly is great and you never know where an initial connection might lead.

Be open to long-distance relationships. It’s true, long-distance relationships can bring more challenges. But if you’re just limiting your searches to a few hundred miles, you are limiting your options of finding someone with whom you could make a great marriage. At least consider it.

Don’t dismiss someone based on their photo. Many people just aren’t that photogenic. But this doesn’t mean they’re not attractive. It really is amazing what dimension personality and character add to someone’s appearance. Become well versed on someone’s profile details and be a little more open minded about their photos.

These are just a few things we’ve noticed. But we suspect you Marry Well aficionados have some of your own suggestions for upping your game. We’d love to hear ‘em!

1. lydiann said the following on January 20, 2012 at 9:06 pm

   

   Great list! I would add that when you post on the Lodge, don’t make every comment negative. There are a few people whose comments I don’t even read anymore because I got tired of a pattern of negativity in every post they wrote. Perhaps that is a reflection of their character…always critical? Or perhaps not, but I didn’t feel like reading it anymore.
2. lydiann said the following on January 20, 2012 at 9:08 pm

   

   I also have heard a lot of people (including myself) say they would like to hear a response when they message or write on someone’s profile…even if it is a *gasp* rejection, it is better to hear it than to get no response.

   ok, off to change my thumbnail pic since I’m sure I haven’t for over 6 months!
3. lydiann said the following on January 20, 2012 at 9:29 pm

   

   Okay, I just changed my profile pic to one with my nephew. But will people think I have a baby?!?!?!
4. wordgirl said the following on January 20, 2012 at 9:53 pm

   

   Lydiann, I don’t think that most people would think that you have a baby. And it’s a very sweet picture =)

   Now, when a guy posts a picture of himself with a girl, then I always wonder if he’s exploring, but forgot to update his status.
5. eameyer said the following on January 20, 2012 at 10:01 pm

   

   Lydiann: ditto to your first comment.
6. electricman said the following on January 20, 2012 at 11:09 pm

   

   Hmmm..I think my profile gets an F+.

   But seriously, the long distance one is probably the biggest. I think LD relationships via internet sites are the new norm in “dating.”
7. blhardy said the following on January 20, 2012 at 11:11 pm

   

   Thanks for bringing up the issue regarding responding to wall posts, Lydiann! I agree that it feels a little rude when guys don’t respond at all to questions/comments on their walls.

   And I guess I’d better go change my profile picture!
8. mistert said the following on January 21, 2012 at 9:15 am

   

   Thank you for this article. As a newbie to the site it will be of help to me.
9. Rosebud said the following on January 21, 2012 at 11:59 am

   

   Great ideas!
10. AmberT said the following on January 21, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    

    I finally got back on here to write something in the “about me” section of my profile. It isn’t great, but at least it is something. I am glad I got something up before reading this. Maybe I’ll get a C-? It is a good list, makes sense.
11. lydiann said the following on January 21, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    

    @electricman–good point about long distance being a big issue/place for openness on online dating

    @blhardy–nice pic!!!!
12. jonathanarm said the following on January 21, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    

    These all seem to be excellent observations and they were presented in a very helpful and positive light. Thanks to Motte and the rest of the team for continually working to provide a clean Christian dating site that is a better alternative to some of the mega-sites that I won’t name.

    I know the advice on photos is probably valid. Some of my photos are better than others. But in real life… some of us look better on Mondays than we do on Fridays… not those days specifically, but it’s an example. But I suppose if we are on a dating site, we should bring our A-game or at least I’ve been told. Where do some of you think the line needs to be drawn? Should we all get professional photos? I don’t see a problem not to, if you can afford it. I know that we aren’t always going to look picture perfect… so it’s about having reasonable expectations.

    Thanks again to everyone for the comments and input– I really appreciate it!
13. ashmic said the following on January 21, 2012 at 10:23 pm

    

    Thanks MW admin for being part of the community! I’m glad to hear you guys take an interest in what’s going on . It definitely seems to not be the case with larger sites.

    Thanks for the list. I appreciate it!
14. SouthernBelle said the following on January 21, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    

    Great suggestions! Trying to figure out this whole online thing can be challenging at times.
15. eameyer said the following on January 22, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    

    Ok, another tip: Have a friend look at your profile that is willing to say positive and negative things. Like, “is this the real you?”. If it isn’t adjust it to convey who you truly are…one of the biggest disappointments is meeting someone you didn’t expect.

    Photo’s are very important. There are studies on what type of photo’s get checked out the most. Guys be wary! Men tend to choose women online who are thinner than you would choose in life and then when you meet they are way thinner. Get real. Women are the opposite and tend to like guys who are a little fuller than in real life. Oh the fun.

    Gender and Photo’s:
    Women, men love photo’s where you look directly at the camera. Women like men’s photo’s that aren’t always face into the camera and they like seeing you in context of family, friends and hobbies. Men want a full body shot and your face is the most important feature they like seeing, that and long hair, so don’t always have it up unless its short. (btw not my opinions these are based on trends/stats in studies I’ve read) Have fun!
16. Lidia said the following on January 22, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    

    Thank you for posting this MW.
    It is very helpful.
17. DanL said the following on January 22, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    

    @lydiann: Yes, based solely on your profile pic, my first assumption would be that you have a baby. It would be a good picture to include, because it shows you in the context of your family. And, there you can explain the relationship in the “Photo Details” section. But as your profile picture, that context isn’t available.
    Just sayin’.
18. lydiann said the following on January 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    

    @DanL, Thanks for the feedback. I was thinking prob some will see it that way since it is sometimes my first thought when I see others in a profile pic. I think it’s prob better to change my pic!
19. Flint said the following on January 23, 2012 at 12:12 am

    

    Lydia, I wouldn’t necessarily read a baby pic that way. It seems like lots of women like to show pix of themselves with a baby or with children to communicate that they love children and have some natural ability with them. … In many cases elsewhere, I’ve noticed women (especially those who are divorced) who do happen to have kids almost never show pictures of those children. I guess they’re hiding them in the closet for the big reveal, “Viola!” … More often than not, the gals with baby pix aren’t showing off their own, but a niece or a nephew. Message: Look how nurturing I am! … So if you want to make a guy curious, put up the baby pic and he’ll have to go view your profile to find out whether the child is your or someone else’s. … Now, all of a sudden, you’ve got him reading your profile and getting to know you. (Hmmmmm. We’ll see how many ladies on here like this advice! Maybe tomorrow, they’ll all appear holding a baby.)
20. adeline said the following on January 23, 2012 at 1:03 am

    

    Loved the post! Great insights MW. Will surely look into adding more interesting photos of myself…and I was sure I had a photo somewhere of myself holding my nephew!?..
21. wordgirl said the following on January 23, 2012 at 2:33 am

    

    *wonders where she can get a baby to take a photo with*
22. electricman said the following on January 23, 2012 at 10:50 am

    

    My 2 cents. I agree with Flint and think that having pictures with babies or young children is fine and definitely communicates a love and interest in children. I don’t think any sane man would be turned off by that. I find it appealing myself. I do agree that having it as your primary profile pic might be misinterpreted (that whole first impressions thing) but that information (whether you have children or not) can easily be ascertained by your profile anyway.
23. knowhimdaily said the following on January 23, 2012 at 11:53 am

    

    Great post! I have my best friend of 8 years look at my pics for me. She knows which pics show my personality best.
24. Candace said the following on January 23, 2012 at 11:57 am

    

    @eameyer: Interesting findings re photos and gender sociology! I wonder if the perception of someone’s size is skewed by camera angles. Though, people generally tend to be the size I imagine them to be in the photo.

    Also, tasteful, witty humor goes a long way in a person’s profile. You don’t have to be the funniest person in the bunch, but some people seem to weave their humor very well into the profile description.
25. Lidia said the following on January 23, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    

    Is there a list of new people somewhere on here?
26. mike said the following on January 24, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    

    Rule #1 – Be attractive

    Rule #2 – Don’t be unattractive

    
27. BlairElizabeth said the following on January 25, 2012 at 1:23 am

    

    Since I am still in the preparing phase Im not too worried about my profile pic. I think when I decide to move into the connecting phase I will get a friend with a nice camera and some talent to take some pics of me.

    I would like to encourage the guys on this site by letting you know that I have yet to see a picture of a guy on this site that I would not be willing to at least get to know better. Post a pic where you are clean and smiling and you should be fine, most girls I know feel the same. Oh, and none of those weird self portrates using your bathroom mirror.
28. electricman said the following on January 25, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    

    Thanks for your feedback, Blair. Your comments give me hope that someone might find me attractive.