Getting Plugged In at Church
by Motte Brown
We believe that involving community in your search for a godly spouse is an important part of helping you marry well. But what if you really don’t have a “community”? What if you’ve been going to church but haven’t been able to plug in?
Could it be that you’ve overlooked opportunities to fit in?
Pastor Kevin DeYoung has a list of introspective questions if you’re feeling disappointed in your church. We thought number two on the list may prove beneficial for those of you looking for a community to call your own.
2. Have I overlooked opportunities to fit in and get to know people? Before you complain that you’ve been at the church six months and still don’t know anyone, think about ways you could get known in the next six months. Is there a small group you could join? Could you attend the smaller, more informal evening service? What about volunteering for the nursery next time the sign up sheet goes around? Have you tried the potlucks and picnics and prayer meetings? Giving love and being loved is 90% just showing up.
Much like the dating process, getting involved in church takes some initiative. So if you find yourself feeling alone every Sunday even though you’re surrounded by hundreds of people, you may want to consider one of these opportunities Kevin mentions.
What are some other ways you’ve found helpful for getting involved?
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Going on a church retreat last year was so helpful in feeling connected. There were 20-30 of us on the weekend trip. Two other gals on the trip had been about to give up on our church and now they are a regular part of our church and our social circle. One of them became a great friend to me and I also got to know several of the singles and families better.
Greeting time each Sunday just isn’t long enough any more
Make one! Reach out to someone. It’s definitely easier to say than to do (and I know this is coming from an extrovert), but I had a similar experience as Jenn. I was about to give up on my church because I wasn’t feeling connected. The night I had decided to leave, a woman from my church called me up to invite me over for dinner with her family. It was THAT event that caused me to begin to feel like I was a part of the community, and that family is now one of my closest connections! You never know how much someone else might be struggling.
Invite someone over!
This is a great discussion topic. Entering into relationships and a community at church can be risky, but I think it’s essential for growth as a believer (and potential marriage partner). Whether or not you find a spouse there, I think connecting with a local church is vital to healthy spiritual growth and a vibrant walk with Christ.
I may never marry, but by pursuing first the kingdom of God through a local church, I should promote a healthy relationship with Christ. And in potential partners, healthy church involvement seems to be one of the “fruit” from a good tree that I would expect to see in a follower of Christ.
You know, it’s really the whole model of the church as “spectator entertainment” that breeds disconnectness and isolation in the first place. Everything is done so that the members don’t have to do anything: the pastor preaches, the praise team praises (you can’t hear yourself sing if you wanted to); the greeters greet; the other staff prays; there’s nothing left for you to do but to stand at the right times, sit at the rest, and maybe say a few words to the people sitting around you. It’s a joke, and it’s high time that model be burned to the ground and replaced with one that consisted of the members running the show. Have I missed opportunities to fit in? Not according to this model. Of course, it’s a struggle to attend such a church because I can hear a good message anytime and lame prai$e-n-wor$hip on my radio anytime.
I haven’t read this article yet, but my initial thoughts are, in response of the title and what I have read, that we should seek to be the men and women that God created us to be, in our churches (or the churches we may be visiting), driven by prayer. In that, we should not treat church like a “drive through window” and by that, simply leave right after the service. If only we each could talk to one person and encourage him or her, not to mention having a willingness to serve in some area of need. This is something that I am challenged by every week (more so on talking with people), especially given my personality, in that I find comfort in not being intentional in this way (in talking with someone new or someone I already know).
@ SilverFire
Check out this Evangelical association of churches. I was a part of a couple of them before I had come to Korea and they do not fall into the “Christianish” (drawn from a book I have started with a small group I’m a part of), but the title implies what you have described, religious Christianity, to an extreme. If you find yourself close to one of these churches (look at ‘Find a Church’), I think you will be pleasantly surprised and blessed, that you will see God moving. After all, we are all sinners saved by grace (if Christ is Lord and Savior of course) and each of us messes up the church when we become a part of it.
http://www.gccweb.org/
SilverFire, I have to agree with you there. Christianity (at least in the West) seems to have moved from a participatory Church to a consumer-based church. Instead of coming to church to bless and be blessed, to serve and to grow, we attend church like a class or a movie or a restaurant. We let those who are paid to serve us, serve us, and we just ingest it all passively and then complain when they ask us to leave a tip.
Full disclosure to start with: this issue is a big hot-button issue to me. Feel free to stop reading now if strong opinions bother you
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I agree with Julie8100 here, and will even go farther. The things SilverFire states here(and I applaud his frankness) are things I hear a lot. And I think they are a result of looking at things the wrong way: the consumerism/McChurch mentality.
“Looking for opportunities to fit in” is the wrong approach. The goal should be to worship and to minister to others. Why are we there?
The ‘failed model’ SilverFire talks about is only a problem if you view Sunday worship as being the sum total of what the church does. The way I see it, the purpose of that is corporate worship, preaching of the Word, etc. Primarily the purpose is not fellowship — that’s for the smaller classes, small groups, specialized ministries etc. that should be going on during the week, though some fellowship can occur.
Don’t see opportunities to fit in? Create some!! Start a ministry that fills a need. Join one that’s already going on. Work on making friends/connections in this way. In general we get out of it what we invest.
I don’t know what the people on this forum are doing, but what I see in my church is that this complaint comes from people who 80-90% of the time(very conservative numbers there) aren’t regularly participating in Sunday School-type classes, prayer meetings, AWANA, or any other such activities, volunteering, etc. Community doesn’t happen by osmosis!!
“there’s nothing left for you to do but to stand at the right times, sit at the rest, and maybe say a few words to the people sitting around you.”
I think this ignores the whole reason we are supposed to be there. Such as, opening our minds and heart to the Spirit’s teaching during the sermon. Do this on a regular basis and it’s impossible(at least for me) to walk away saying “this was a waste of my time”.
It’s possible with an appropriate attitude to worship with music that isn’t our favorite style. Luther and Calvin’s writings were considered inappropriate bar tunes in their time. Music is always changing.
Bottom line: Investing our soul in the battle for true worship will bring results in the vast majority of even imperfect situations, atmospheres, and models.
I had gone to 2 churches for a while, when it came down to it one church I was serving at, but Not having community and rationships after several attempts to be apart, it simply came down to being a young single woman didn’t have value.
So I made the jump, went to the church that had a singles ministry (which for the 30′s has dissolved), and had other avenues of building relationships… But I did have to make the effort. Every encounter does not result in connection to something deeper, but that doesn’t ATP me from trying.
Also, in response to Silverfire, I agree about your view of church… The church i go to is very clear on a person’s responsibility to engage with the father during services etc. I’m also a part of a new type of small group that is missionally minded… A core group are reaching out to those who do not know christ, not to invite them to church, but build community and church in the biblical sense… It’s amazing to see God working.
Unfortunately, churches are too often around an “event” (Sunday morning service), rather than a person (Jesus Christ).
Read a great book today “The Trellis and the Vine: The Ministry Mind-Shift That Changes Everything,” available here:
https://www.wtsbooks.com/product-exec/product_id/7041/nm/The_Trellis_and_the_Vine_The_Ministry_Mind_Shift_that_Changes_Everything_Paperback_Best_Seller_2011_
Here’s the main image the authors start with: The back yard has two trellises. One is bare, but well kept, painted and sturdy; the other has an out-of-control vine that is overwhelming the trellis so much he’s worried it might eventually fall over.
Each is a church. At one, when asked where a person can fit in, the officials check their roster of boards and committees and plug holes. Church life is neat and tidy. No muss, no fuss. If there’s no holes to plug, you’re out of luck.
At the other, you’ve got vines, leaves, flowers everywhere. A person asks to fit in, and the pastor says, “See that person over there. They’re new here. I think he just lost his job. Let me introduce you and you can meet with him over the Bible.” Things are nowhere near tidy. Life there is messy. But there’s a lot of life.
There’s more to it than that (they train people for ministry, stressing godly character, not content only), but the authors have been training people to be disciples that disciple others for 20 to 30 years. I found it very helpful. In fact, I think they may have written it with my church in mind!
Surprisingly, Mark Dever, pastor of Capitol Hill Baptist Church, D.C., says, “This is the best book I’ve read on the nature of church ministry.”
I realize that the sharing of this article is getting off topic in terms of the point of this post which has to do with finding fellowship within the church, but thought it would be helpful, since we are talking about the church. A friend from college shared this on Facebook.
“Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus” – The False Dichotomy
http://theamericanjesus.net/?p=4970
Here are my short comments regarding the article.
I sense that the speaker in the video at the top of this article was speaking out of the context of legalism in the church, when he referred to ‘religion’. The author of this article used the video as a spring board. I thought the article was good and having seen the video and read the article, and a comment (from my friend who originally shared it on Facebook) about the article, it all was challenging and encouraging to me.
Now, getting back to the context of this post, it simply comes down to this – seeking God first, asking Him to show you how you might show love (in His strength and not your own, as our love comes from God as we can’t love others in our own power) towards someone within the church (it’s not about me, but it’s about my neighbor). We should purposely seek to love at least one person, each time we are in and with the church. This love can come in the form of a kind word or two, prayer, or helping them with some kind of need.
I liked what DeYoung had mentioned regarding having a willingness to serve. That is a good way to purposely surround yourself with other brothers and sisters, all the while serving to make the body stronger.
We should not be asking, ‘What can I get from this church?” Instead, what can I give (not in my own strength, but solely in God’s strength)? All the while, seeking out that Godly counsel in our pastors and such, when needed.
@Flint: I have heard much about how it is great the Trellis/Vine book is for church living and ministry, and CHBC strives to live out this mode of ministry. Yes, life is quite messy despite all of the picture perfect, happy go lucky people who show up on Sundays. The more transparent people are with one another about their struggles, you realize that these people also have fears and issues.
Certain ministries can be phenomenal, but we always have to circle back to the purpose of the ministries (to glorify our Lord and Savior in various ways) and our love for one another through encouragement of Christ’s work in each of our hearts.
Practically, I think Jenn brings up a great example. Getting involved in retreats or specific ministries or small groups is a great way to start plugging in. Sometimes it takes time to network and figure out where and how you can serve. Utimately if you have a humble and servant heart, I don’t doubt the Lord can use it in some church for his people. I was reminded last night that we are blessed to be a part of God’s kingdom work in the small and large opportunities he gives us.
After reading an article like this it could be easy to become negative and apathetic. But then I realize that Christ created us to be functioning members of a metaphorical body. We all have specific talents and giftings that the Holy Spirit has given us. Could it be possible that many churches fail to thrive because people aren’t sharing their gift with the whole body?
I have rarely been in a church where everyone is fuctioning together in a healthy way. Sometimes it does feel that church happens once a week on Sundays and that it is a performance. But rather than criticizing and being negative all the time, I try to serve and be part of the solution. Because if I’m just on the sidelines complaining, then I’m merely a spectator… aka “part of the problem.” I think we all have a responsibility to serve and love others as Christ has loved the church. If we just sit on the sidelines, then we are part of the problem.
I do believe and plan to be involved in church for the forseeable future. I pray that my future wife will share the same passion and even serve alongside me.
Thanks to everyone for sharing their two-cents on this topic. Above all, remember when two or more are gathered… Christ’s Holy Spirit will also be there. We as Christians are the church, so we can have church in a Starbucks or at a supermarket. Church is not limited to a once a week or building specific event. I could continue, but if you wish to dialog on this subject let me know.