Love Specifically

by Candice Gage

As Christians, most of us know how to be nice to people. We know how to offer friendly smiles, hold doors open for people, and pray God’s blessing on those around us. When we enter into romantic relationships, we add to these courtesies with socially accepted demonstrations of affection — Men give women flowers, women bake men cookies.

These are ways that we show someone love in general.

As a relationship grows, it’s important to move away from the general to more tailor-made gestures of appreciation. For men, find out whether she would rather receive flowers or chocolate. Ask yourself if she would enjoy a candle-lit meal or a long chat at a coffee shop. For women, discover whether he prefers cookies or brownies and find out if he’s into action movies or crime dramas.

When going deeper, it becomes important to begin understanding each other on an emotional and spiritual level. What is her love language? What is God teaching him in his life? Ask each other for prayer requests and spend time praying for each other.

As Christians, we know we are supposed to work towards loving others as Christ loves us. Scripture often describes God’s love for us in terms of him having intimate knowledge of us. God doesn’t love us in general. Rather, he cares for and ministers to us specifically.

To affectively demonstrate love to someone, we need to know him or her specifically. Getting to know someone in this way takes real effort and hard work. It requires that we move our eyes off of ourselves and onto another person — a lot. It takes us not only listening to another person but spending time actively observing him or her.

This effort should be more than worth it if we really desire to love specifically.

1. amyjoy said the following on January 25, 2012 at 1:23 pm

   

   Wow… what a well written and thought- provoking post. Thank you.
2. wordgirl said the following on January 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm

   

   Great article, Candice! This reminds me of something that John Piper said in one of his sermons/conference messages. He was encouraging men to become students of their wives… to study them so that they’d know them fully and be able to meet their needs specifically. That goes both ways, of course, and should absolutely start during the courtship/dating period. Since meeting the needs of the other person is paramount in marriage, that’s probably one of the first things we should try to discover about a person actually.
3. PolarBearEverywhere said the following on January 25, 2012 at 5:05 pm

   

   So simple and splendid, yet so profound and established. I feel secured by the things imparted in this article, it leaves me with a breath of fresh air and smile upon matters I thought I was a nut case for up-holding in my heart. I see such an empty world around me on a consistent basis; in terms of relationships, there is a famine of Chivalry.
   Chivalry not in a general sense but relational intimacy, I see men speak and act in manors that strike me with the sense of unfeeling. Seeing these things all my life has been disheartening, and trying,
   But I look forward to the day I can begin to cultivate these things in a cherished application of Life, it will be a wonderful journey of building.
   God is so good to give us these things which are warm and nurturing. Thank you for Sharing this it was extremely uplifting and encouraging.
4. wordgirl said the following on January 25, 2012 at 5:37 pm

   

   “famine of Chivalry” – That’s beautiful; it could be a line in a poem =)
5. PolarBearEverywhere said the following on January 27, 2012 at 10:55 am

   

   how ironic! Poem?! Apparently, yes indeed. to say the least. I know not the title to remember it by but there is on written… I have… it is so.
6. adeline said the following on January 30, 2012 at 5:23 am

   

   Thank you for this post Candice. Definitely food for thought.
7. knightoftomorrow said the following on February 2, 2012 at 12:18 am

   

   I shared this article with my girlfriend and she realized she had not yet baked me anything. I don’t think either of us thought of that as a generic demonstration of love from a woman to a man. At any rate, a few days later she decided to bake me brownies.
8. Paccho said the following on February 2, 2012 at 11:35 pm

   

   Nice Job Candace. Taking the time to listen, notice and care about another is essential in any love relationship, whether it be romantic or not. This is a choice to put anothers needs before your own. So in the most intimate of all relationships (marrage) this should be paramount.
   All real love manifest itself in sacrifice.