Jesus’ Role in Marriage

by Candice Gage

On Dec. 23, The Mars Hill Blog posted an excellent article on the topic of marriage titled “Marriage Is All about Jesus.” Pastor Phil Smidt begins by stating that marriage reveals couples’ beliefs.

Over time, patterns begin to emerge that reflect a couple’s view of Jesus. Husbands and wives whose hearts are growing distant or independent often like the idea of Jesus but not the person of Jesus.

Most agree he was a great teacher and even God, but they don’t trust him personally or believe he has any power or authority. He rarely comes through for them (on their terms), which makes them doubt in his goodness.

They believe Jesus makes a difference in their marriage in the same way vitamins make a difference for their bodies. Vitamins provide a boost for health, but without them, couples could still manage life, pursue happiness, and generally feel good about themselves…In life and marriage, Jesus doesn’t make a difference in the same way vitamins do. Jesus makes a difference like oxygen does. Without oxygen, we’re dead.

Smidt goes on to discuss six markers within marriage that demonstrate what couples believe about Jesus’ role in their relationship.

1. Exaltations: We grasp tightly, or worship, what we love. …

2. Expectations: Marriage reveals that we have demands, not expectation. …

3. Excuses: We make lame excuses like, “We’re all sinners,” “Nobody’s perfect,” “He started it,” or “I’m not happy” to label our spouse as more sinful than we are, allowing us to feel good about our thoughts, words, and deeds. …

4. Extremes: Words like “always,” “never,” “only,” and “every time” are dishonest and laced with self-righteousness and resentment when used in the context of marriage (Psalm 52:2–3). …

5. Experiences: Our past experiences often define us. …

6. Exposure: Marriage exposes what we do when confronted with our sin and weakness. …

It’s well worth your time to stop by the Mars Hill blog and read the full article.

1. lydiann said the following on January 9, 2012 at 9:28 pm

   

   ooo, very sanctifying and humbling post. thanks!
2. Julie8100 said the following on January 9, 2012 at 11:43 pm

   

   One thing that I’ve been learning is that I can’t look to marriage or a spouse to solve my problems or save me from my circumstances. When I expect another person to fulfill all my hopes and dreams, I will always, always be disappointed (and a lot of divorces and strife result). Instead, I should be continually looking to Jesus as the One who fulfills and satisfies. Christ MUST be central and must be my pursuit, in and out of marriage. As Donald Miller wrote in A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, “I worshiped at the altar of romantic completion.”
3. Flint said the following on January 10, 2012 at 1:03 am

   

   Great post. That’s rather sobering, as I think about how that may ring true in the marriages I know. But it’s also hopeful and beautiful, and I think true: A marriage with a deep, vibrant love of Christ should be deep and close.
4. USALady63 said the following on January 10, 2012 at 9:55 pm

   

   Jesus has to be a part of my future Marriage or their is no marriage.
5. jonathanarm said the following on January 15, 2012 at 12:09 pm

   

   Wow! What a great article. I definitely plan to read the full article this was based on.

   Yes. Marriage is about sacrifice.

   I to at times fall into the trap of seeking a relationship in hopes of it fulfilling my needs. But then I remember that in Christ I am and can be complete. Without Christ… I won’t be able to lead or love the other person fully.

   I pray that the Lord moves in people’s hearts so that they can more fully love those around them.