A More Unplugged New Year
by Beth Brown
Most New Year’s resolutions I’ve made over the years seem to involve time management. My husband and I have a standing one to chop away at the time we spend in front of the tube. Over the past few years, however, we’ve allowed other electronic devices like smart phones and tablets to invade our life as a couple and family. Which have proven to be worse because you can take them with you almost anywhere.
While it’s great to never miss a call, email or text, it’s important to consider how these conveniences affect your relationships and quality of life.
In Michael Powell’s “Hamlet’s Blackberry,” he talks about the consequences of love “being leached out of the house by our screens.”
Somebody excuses themselves for a bathroom visit or a glass of water and doesn’t return. Five minutes later, another of us exits on a similarly mundane excuse along the lines of “I have to check something.”. . . Where have all the humans gone? To their screens of course. Where they always go these days. The digital crowd has a way of elbowing its way into everything, to the point where a family can’t sit in a room together for half an hour without somebody, or everybody, peeling off. . . . As I watched the Vanishing Family Trick unfold, and played my own part in it, I sometimes felt as if love itself, or the acts of heart and mind that constitute love, were being leached out of the house by our screens.
I see it as a missed opportunity for intimacy. Whenever I’m the one sneaking off or sneaking a peek, I get this weighty feeling that I’m not “all there.”
These types of habits are hard to break. If you are single, consider how you interact with your friends, family, and co-workers. If you find yourself checking Facebook multiple times while having coffee with a friend, it’s likely you’ll carry that habit into marriage. If you Tweet something before you sit down to have dinner with your parents, don’t be surprise if you’re doing the same with your own children.
And even more, when does it affect your capacity to think clearly and be quiet before the Lord?
If this describes you, here are some simple New Year’s resolutions to establish boundaries for your technology conveniences:
- Leave your phone in the car when you meet a friend for dinner.
- Turn off (or silence) your email/texting/web surfing for a set period of time each day, establishing an ‘unplugged recess’
- Keep your laptop or computer in a location that’s out of the way (i.e. not in the kitchen or your bedroom). Just having it out of sight will help you resist the temptation to constantly check it.
- Try keeping a log for a week of how many hours you spend “plugged in.” Sometimes just seeing your media consumption time will help fuel your motivation to pull away from it.
So for 2012, what resolutions do you plan to make to be a better steward of your time?
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I made a schedule for myself for this upcoming school quarter. My classes will be online, which makes it all too easy to waste a lot of time and then rush around to get stuff done in the evenings, which leads to getting stressed out and not sleeping well… I’m looking forward to developing some self-discipline there and leading a calmer life.
The next thing that I’m going to do (soon) is smash my scale to bits with a hammer because I waste a ridiculous amount of time weighing myself and then stressing out over the number on the scale and trying to figure out how I’m going to lose X number of pounds in the next X days. Like right now, while I’m typing, all I really want to do is go into the bathroom and weigh myself again, even though I just did that less than 30 minutes ago. I can barely focus. But if the scale is not here, then it removes the possibility of weighing myself, which will hopefully help me discipline my mind. I wish I were mature enough to handle having a scale in here, but I’m not. And my scale doesn’t get to win my time or my thoughts. Not anymore. That’s not who I want to be anymore, and definitely not the me that I want to bring into a marriage.
I’m glued to my screen, especially now that I have a tablet and everything is mobile.
But good advice though! When I’m in a meeting or with friends, I leave my phones at my desk or in Silent in my bag. This way, I make sure that my full attention is with people.
wordgirl – you can do it! I sympathize with the whole self-control thing. I told myself I just needed to cultivate more self-control over time spent in front of the TV. Finally I put it in the closet (unplugged:)
I’d like to grow into a person who is “fully present” in my interactions with others. This means more than just being unplugged from media, it also means not being distracted by my own thoughts.
I’m not much of a tv person, but find it very easy to waste time on the internet. I’m currently taking a facebook break right now and find it very refreshing!!
I came across a question a few years ago that asked, “What is the single biggest time waster in your life and what are you going to do about it this year?”
Good suggestions!!
I think Beth’s article made some pretty astute observations, especially regarding the lost opportunity for intimacy. We humans always seeks others to interact with (even hermit-types), but if it’s possible to have ‘interaction’ with so little effort as the clicking of buttons, we won’t make as much time for the more-difficult task of interacting face-to-face. And it does lead us to being only ‘partly present’ socially. Ouch, conviction.
I read this post on my phone. Is that OK?
LOL, Henry. [It's only okay if you were alone
]
I already follow the suggestions in the article (excepting logging my hours) and I don’t have internet access everywhere I go and I rarely text. Yet still this article hits home as I feel I spend a lot of hours on the computer and want to improve in being more present and intimate in relationships even when it takes time away from the computer. Thanks for the encouragement in this direction.
I check my emails after dinner! No I dont get constant emails. Good thing!!!
As for TV. not much of it these days.
I struggle with being present too… My mind is such a busy place that I have trouble focusing a lot. I think I need to take a writing tablet with me when I go out with friends/family, so that I can jot stuff down and go back to the thought later instead of ruminating on it when I need to be present in the moment. I wonder if that would seem rude, though? Hmmm. Perhaps it’s an issue with peace. Next time I go out with friends/family, I will spend time in prayer before asking God to help my mind be at peace. We’ll see how that goes.
I also wanted to say that I haven’t hopped on the scale even once today, but I think I might fail soon. I want to go outside for a walk/run to distance myself from the scale, but it’s pouring down rain and dark, and I’m working on developing safe habits… That’s a resolution, too. No more middle-of-the-night excursions by myself.
Great article. Unfortunately, this is some good, necessary advice and something worthy of consideration. In Tony Reinke’s book “Lit! A Christian Guide to Reading Books” he mentions how much the Kindle and other tablet computers and ebook readers have changed how we read and learn and communicate … not always for the better!
(I wonder, though, how many of us would be here on Marry Well, if we didn’t spend quite a bit of time online, just to stumble across the site?)
It also begs to question, what were we doing before, Not we human population, but you and I? If we weren’t plugged in with other people before this technology explosion, then I would guess that we’ve just swapped one isolating thing for another, maybe that’s the issue that should be addressed.
I see technology as a tool… It’s helpful, but not able to replace thing like hugs and sitting down and having a conversation looking into someones eyes. I had an answering machine before I had a cell phone, people neveromded waiting until I got home and heard their message to respond to it, so why should that change now… That’s what voicemail is for. When I’m with someone, I want to be present with them, though I usually have my phone with me, I don’t always hear it or I silence it, as a way of respect to the other person’s time and presence.
The thing I spend the longest time online doing: communicating with my family.
Exactly. This hit me with hurricane force as I was homeward bound after Christmas. I had stopped in a rest area, and the guy beside me was doing his business — while flipping through emails on his iPhone. I kid you not.
I want to be more purposeful about “unplugging” more this year. I have realized that I often have this compulsion to be at my computer when I have a free moment (yuck). I intend to try and spend more time off the computer and instead use that time to read, write and practice solitude. I think I may try some of the suggestions in this article in my efforts to do so…
One time my sister and I left to go out to dinner. We both realized that we had forgotten our cell phones — it took us a good minute to decide whether to turn around and get them or not. We decided not to and it was the best time ever! I’ve been reading a lot of Wendell Berry lately, and he makes me realize the importance of slowing down and paying attention well the first time, something I lose when I’m always plugged in. I just think, “I’ll just rewind it and watch it again if I miss it.”