Just Do Something

How are you supposed to find out who God has willed for you to marry?

That’s a question we hear a lot.

An unconventional, but greatly helpful, response to that question comes from Kevin DeYoung, Senior Pastor at University Reformed Church in his book Just Do Something.

Here’s a little sample from his book:

Too many young guys are waiting for writing in the sky before they make a relational commitment. It doesn’t have to be that complicated. My grandpa DeYoung met my grandma on his paper route. Then they worked at the bowling alley together and started hanging out at the soda fountain. Eventually my grandpa proposed and they got married in 1948. When I asked him if he agonized over the decision to get married, he paused for a moment and said, “Uh…no. Was I supposed to?”

Recently, we interviewed Kevin for more thoughts on this topic.

MW: When it comes to something as important as who we marry, many Christians are eager to know what God’s will is.  That’s a good thing, right?

Kevin: Eh, depends. God’s will in Scripture is our sanctification (1 Thess. 4:3). God wants us to be holy and seek first his kingdom and his righteousness. So knowing god’s will means understanding what is commanded of us in God’s word. In this way, it is always a good thing to seek God’s will. But if we expect God to tell us whom to marry, we are barking up the wrong tree. God doesn’t work that way. Or almost never. His way is to have us grow in wisdom so that we can have his heart and make decisions that honor him.

MW: How might a desire to hear clearly from God–to get a burning bush or another sign from heaven–set someone up for disappointment?

Kevin: Well, first off, you probably won’t get the sign. So that will be disappointing. Second, you may look so hard for a sign that you see something, but the “sign” is nothing more than what you are reading into it. Then if something goes wrong, we are tempted to blame God or freak out because we misread the signs. It’s a mess of hopeless subjectivism.

MW: What role has God given us to play in forming good marriages?

Kevin: More important than finding the right spouse is being the right spouse. Of course, compatibility and attraction are not unimportant, but every marriage will have struggles eventually. The feelings of puppy love don’t last (they deepen into something better, but they don’t last as they are). Don’t worry about finding the “one.” You’ll tie yourself up in knots and probably wait too long to get married. Look for a strong Christian and then use the brain God gave you to make a good decision.

MW: Is it possible that someone could “just do something” in their own strength and mess up their chances of forming a good marriage?

Kevin: Sure. It’s always possible that we can do things in our strength. We need to check the “just do something” advice by seeking good counsel from friends and listening to those older and wiser. The more important part is not to be unequally yoked and to go into marriage with our eyes wide open about the reality of indwelling sin in the hearts of bride and groom.

More on Kevin DeYoung

Kevin DeYoung is Senior Pastor at University Reformed Church (RCA) in East Lansing, Michigan, right across the street from Michigan State University.  He was born in Chicagoland, but grew up mostly in the Grand Rapids, Michigan area.  As a result, Kevin roots for da Bears, da Bulls, da Blackhawks, the White Sox, and the Spartans. Kevin is married to Trisha.  They live in Lansing and have four young children.

Read Kevin’s blog at: http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevindeyoung/

Order Just Do Something.

1. anewthing said the following on February 8, 2010 at 5:50 pm

   Good article. I gotta read this book!
2. rachld said the following on February 8, 2010 at 7:52 pm

   I just finished reading this book and highly recommend it! It was convicting and challenging in so many areas.
3. Rebekah said the following on February 9, 2010 at 8:12 am

   anewthing–yes read the book! Our common “Christian culture” sets us up to believe some untruths about finding Gods will and DeYoung challeges them and clearly presents what the word of God actually says about the matter.
4. donna said the following on February 9, 2010 at 7:01 pm

   I love this book!! Was recently considering a re-read.
5. SilverFire said the following on February 18, 2010 at 4:28 pm

   I don’t get it. I really don’t get how “using our brain” can be convicting or challenging.
6. USALady63 said the following on February 23, 2010 at 8:50 pm

   Good advice.
   I always thought God would lead us to the right one to marry. most Christians speak this way. Now I know that itsnt true. WOW what an eye opener.

   I feel this should be explained more clear in what role God does do for us while finding someone.
7. USALady63 said the following on February 23, 2010 at 8:50 pm

   I have to say most Christains are mislead on this subject.
8. Belle said the following on March 1, 2010 at 11:28 pm

   This has been so thought-provoking for me…